Buridan’s Ass is a fragment by Jack Rusher, published here Sunday, March 23, 2008. It is part of Experiments.
He’s got Freedom of Choice.
1. The ass in question is named for Jean Buridan, a French priest who sowed the seeds of the Copernican revolution in Europe. In his formulation, a donkey comes to rest between two equally appealing bales of hay, cannot make up his mind which to approach, and ultimately starves.
2. Buridan is said to have angered the establishment to such a degree that he was sentenced to be tied up in a sack and tossed in the Seine. Long-time Rhetorical Device favorite Francois Villon alludes to these events in his poem Ballade des Dames du Temps Jadis (“Where is the Queen / Who ordered that Buridan / Be thrown in a sack into the Seine? / O, where are the snows of yesteryear!”).
Buridan’s Ass1,2 stands, weak with hunger, precisely between two bales of hay. He looks one way, then the other. His hunger compels him to move, but he can’t decide which way to go.
Decisions, decisions.
The bale on the left is warmth, comfort and an established way of life, the one on the right is the excitement of the new. Knobby donkey knees buckle under the weight of indecision.
3. The first known reference to this problem of decidability is in Aristotle’s De Caelo (“On the Heavens”), where he postis a man who is equally thirsty and hungry dying half way between food and water.
Buridan’s Ass3 sniffs the air.
The bale on the left starts dinner, the one on the right pours a glass of whiskey.
His ears twitch as he paws the ground with each hoof.
The bale on the left makes the bed, the one on the right flashes her tongue ring.
The Ass stands still, trying, trying to decide, but failing; he wants both so badly that he can have neither.
The bale on the left reads to the children, the one on the right shimmies out of her skirt.
Finally he falls, starving amidst plenty.